A Reminder of The Warrior Path Continued Integration Begins
I left off the story at the MAPS conference, where I realized living without a phone in a place full of tech felt like being a tree next to the 5G tree tower. Real and fake but clothed in something natural side by side.
I met up with my dear friend and business partner Erik at MAPS; he always brings me so much joy. During that time of meeting new people, reuniting with friends I hadn’t seen in a while or only virtually, and being with such a dear friend, I felt so held and lucky to be surrounded by those who care and love me. An opportunity I hope all of us get to experience at least once in our life – where you feel held and belonging.
However, I could not get home fast enough once the conference was over. I brought Erik back to the lands holding me right now — New Mexico.
My favorite time began – Integration. And this time, I had the honor of being there for my business partner’s integration. Together he got to experience how I integrate.
Why is integration my favorite? I don’t make this my life’s offering to the world for no reason…I REALLY love this juicy, weird, potent portal of insecure power. It’s contradictory and full of potential.
At this time, lessons, clarity, and all the real emotions begin to flood. Sometimes, people believe this is a time of beauty, a time of ease, or a time that will work out with no issues. In my history of the plentitude of integration experiences, it’s the most vulnerable and fragile time.
Many of you know this fragile time. Imagine a time you were so blissed out, thought you had it all figured out, and then you had to go to work, clean the house, take care of the kids, and pay the bills. Did it feel elevated, then? Did you remember to walk through every moment with the same bliss?
I was pushing through, experimenting, and in the flow during the adventure. There weren’t many ways to change the circumstances of not having a phone without losing my mind.
Therefore, when I returned home, phone waiting in the post office, life beckoning, plants needing attention, and the day-to-day realities of life settled back into view – the infinite number of distractions, emotions, and what the fucks and how’s crept back in.
Yes, many WTF and HOW moments. Such as, “WTF am I doing with my life?” “WTF life is so hard!” “How do I reply to all 200 messages I missed?” “How am I ever going to catch back up?”
Due to a life full of traumatic experiences, near-life death, transformational festivals, taking risks to live a fulfilled life, and countless psychedelic/plant medicine journeys, I have significant experience in this part of life. The part where you are slowly, brick by brick, rebuilding the person you have become. The courage one musters to implement change. The possibility of failure looming over your head.
I remember back in the day in the Burning Man world, people saying, “going back to the default world” and separating their every day from the life they created in a magical place. It always sat wrong with me. Why go someplace to be transformed and return to the old you? How could you even be the old you?
This is the trap of ALL the peak experiences. Do something great, then return to who you were, wonder, and chase the next peak experience.
F THAT!!!!
(side note: I guess all the F’s want to come out. I’m attempting to edit them, but you know the elegant curse word that can be used in almost every way imaginable).
The real work and gift of peak experiences is becoming the version of yourself you uncovered.
As I’m writing this, I realize this will be long again. Therefore, coming next is techniques and tips on how I integrate.
If you want the info now, you can purchase my Psychedelic Integration workshop and the Preparation one. The two marriage quite well and apply to life, not just plant medicine or psychedelics.
Because let’s face it, LIFE IS PSYCHEDELIC.
Anyway, to round out this time with you all – WTF did I learn?
Technology overwhelm is a real thing.
There is no “catching up.” There is only being where you are – present. Even if you want to pretend you’re doing more, it’s still where you are in the present moment.
Don’t focus my life on being something for everyone immediately. For example, it’s taken me a month to share most of this experience. In the meantime, I’ve moved slowly and simultaneously quickly through lessons, had my heart broken repeatedly, questioned if I was doing things “right,” and had many disappointments and a lot of unforgettable moments. I’ve been present for myself and what I need, which has only raised my capacity to give to others.
If you missed any of the previous newsletters, you can find them in order:
Life Without a Phone
Raw and Uncut
Forced Presence
Journal Prompts:
What major experiences/lessons are you integrating into your life?
Based on your expectations, How is that integration going?
Are you judging yourself?